Prelude to Destiny
by Dunquixote
Summary: This is the prequel to In the Hand of Providence.The life Alfidaiya Surana had in the Circle Tower before being recruited by the Grey Wardens. All familiar characters, plots, and dialogue from Dragon Age: Origins & Dragon Age II belong to Bioware.
1. Chapter 1

Author's note: This story is the prequel to "In the Hands of Providence."** Disclaimer:** All familiar characters, lines, plots from Dragon Age: Origins as well as Dragon Age II belong exclusively to Bioware.

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Prologue

_9:35 Dragon_

With locks of golden hair glistening in the sunset, the young, tall and robustly built templar, Knight-Captain Cullen moved to stand in the shade provided near part of the Gallows Courtyard's walls. He gazed up at the sky, deep in thought. _Kirkwall, the City of Chains; Knight-Commander Greagoir had sent me here hoping that a change in environment would do me good, considering what I went through. Who would've thought that the place he ends up transferring me to (as good as his intentions were) has even_**_more_**_blood mages running on the loose_. _And if that wasn't bad enough, blood mages were implanting demons in the templar recruits._

Four years have already passed by since Knight-Commander Greagoir had sent him away from Ferelden to Kirkwall, and almost five years have gone by since Uldred's madness had wreaked havoc in Ferelden's Circle Tower, yet to Knight-Captain Cullen, it seemed like that damnable day happened just yesterday. Some nights, in his dreams, he would see his former comrades at the tower all being cut down by demons; he would sometimes think that he heard Uldred laughing with glee as each templar fell. What would bother him the most when he's awake, is the fact that those didn't strike his subconscious as the worst of his nightmares. The nightmares that would torment him the most frequently and most severely, were the ones involving _her_.

When he was trapped inside a magical prison that Uldred had conjured, who was busy torturing others in the Harrowing Chamber, he not only was forced to watch his brothers in arms be slaughtered, but the blood mages all tortured him by twisting the image of his heart's desire into something wicked. They manipulated his fondest memories of her into the will of a demon that was pulling the strings behind the scenes. Every night since then, he dreamt of both the twisted, sinister portrait of his former love, tainted in his mind by the blood mages' control over him, as well as the undefiled memories of her. Each time he awakened from such nightmares, he felt an ache in his heart that he has been trying to ignore ever since she left the tower for the second and last time while he was still living there.

As long ago as it has been since he last saw her, he could still envision her beautiful elven face, turning around to look at him with her dark brown eyes and the gentle smile she would greet him with. _Alfidaiya Surana_... He closed his eyes and tried to grasp hold of the very memories of the one thing he has always wanted, but, in the end, was taken away from him. Oh, how he yearned to hold her at least one more time and feel her soft, smooth skin with his hands.

Coming back to his senses and out of the sentimental mood, Cullen shook his head and opened his eyes. _But, of all of the things she had to be, she had to be born as a mage, and it is my duty to oppose all mages for what they are. I was foolish and naive then, but now I know that mages should not be trusted or be treated as people. I pray that the Maker will forgive me and that I'll never make that same mistake-becoming infatuated with a mage ever again. It's all thanks to those filthy...blood mages and demons being inside of my head!_

Being deep in thought, Cullen failed to hear the approaching footstep. "Excuse, me, Ser. Do you happen to be Knight-Captain Cullen?" Cullen flinched at the sound of an Orlesian woman's voice.

"Yes. Sister, may I ask who-" Looking in the direction of the woman who was addressing, he found himself looking at a red-headed sister of the Chantry, who happened to look surprisingly familiar. "Wait... I know you. You were traveling with the Hero of Ferelden, were you not?"

"Yes. I am Leliana. It is a pleasure-and quite the surprise to see you again."

"Are you still traveling with the Hero? What has she been up to these days?" He couldn't help but ask. _Why can't I bring myself to refer to her by her name?_

"Ah," Leliana's smile faltered slightly. "That is part of the reason I came to you. I am guessing from the expression on your face, that you have not seen her either?"

Cullen began having a sinking feeling as the conversation progressed, "No, I have not. Did something happen to her?"

"I don't know. Six months after she helped save the City of Amaranthine, she had simply vanished. The Grey Wardens knows that she wasn't killed in the fight against the broodmother called The Mother."

Other templars that were present in the Gallows Courtyard started listening in on the conversation; Cullen felt increasingly uneasy about where the conversation was headed.

"Oh, before I forget, Alfidaiya wanted me to give you these," Leliana reached inside of rather bulky bag she was carrying and handed Cullen several leather bound journals and an amulet. "Some of these journals she wrote in during our travels; I think it includes some notes she took while she was the warden-commander at Vigil's Keep. None, however, gives me any clue where she could be. I thought for sure she would've returned to the tower-as I found out from Knight-Commander Greagoir, you were transferred to Kirkwall, so, I thought she'd most likely be here."

Cullen stared at the amulet, forgetting for a moment that Leliana was there. _This is the amulet she had made and given to me as an apprentice at the tower. When she returned to the tower to defeat Uldred, I returned it to her though. She must still be convinced that there is something going on between us, in spite of what had happened at the tower and how I've changed._

Noticing Cullen's expression, Leliana's eyes twinkled slightly and she carried a rather amused, yet knowing look on her face; he shifted uncomfortably in place. _Please tell me she doesn't know, or if she does, don't say anything. The other templars are listening. It will be the end of me if they find out._

"You loved her, didn't you?"

And there, she said it. As Cullen thought would happen, the templars began murmuring amongst themselves; some looking quite amused at the notion of him falling in love with a mage, while others looked rather perturbed by it.

He glared at the other templars and then said, a little more harshly than he had intended, No, I did not. I do not know where you have heard such a notion, but, I, as a templar know and intend on continuing to honor my vows made to the chantry. Hero of Ferelden or not, she was no less of a weapon or tool than other mages are."

The warm and amused look in Leliana's eyes vanished as he spoke, and a deep frown replaced it on her face. "From what she told me about her time spent at the tower, it was quite clear to me that something **did** go on between you two-not that it is my business. She described you as a man-and templar like no other; she made it almost sound like you were a prince in a fairy tale."

_Oh, sweet Andraste, please make her shut up._ He could just imagine the other templars snickering nearby...or frowning, but he was too afraid to look.

"She is a dear friend to me, and I would hate to come to find out that she was hurt in some way or _used_." Leliana started heading towards the Gallows Courtyard exit, but she stopped in mid-step and said, without looking back at him. "You might want to read her journals. Maybe you will learn something from them. Farewell, Knight-Captain. I'm sure we'll meet again in the future."

That evening, while most of the templars had retired for the night, Cullen sat on his bed and stared at the journals stacked neatly on his bookshelf. He had sworn to himself that he'd never look back to the years he spent at the tower, when he was still naive and foolish. Back then, he had romanticized the role of a templar into being the equivalent of knights he often heard in myths and folk tales. Yet, as he stared at the journals and at the amulet, he could not suppress his memories of her. Getting up from his bed, he sat down on the chair by his desk, and grabbed the journal with the earliest dates in its entries, and then began to read.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter One

_9:24 Dragon_

_Concentrate, Alfidaiya. Block out all sounds; if Jowan comes looking for me, ignore him and block out his voice. I need to master this form. _A fourteen-year-old elf mage apprentice, Alfidaiya Surana was practicing a spell in the library. With her eyes closed and her brow furrowed, she focused her thoughts on the type of animal she wanted to become.

Jowan was also a fourteen-year-old mage apprentice, who has been friends with her ever since she was brought to the tower at the age of eight. Sometimes, she wonders whether the friendship was a forced friendship or one she chose to develop.

_Taptaptaptaptaptap_. Someone's running footsteps echoed down the hallway. Alfidaiya could hear templars yelling at someone, but the words were indistinct.

_The background of its coat is tan; black spots cover the legs, head, and neck. _Alfidaiya silently reviewed the physical appearance of the animal to help her concentrate on transforming into it.

_Taptaptaptap_. The footsteps became louder and closer.

_Don't open your eyes or look in his direction. I know it's Jowan._ Alfidaiya frowned as she continued directing her focus and a percentage of her mana pool into the transformation. There was an unpleasant, but not painful sensation she had as her spinal cord extended to form the tail. Tan-colored fur was just beginning to sprout out of her skin and even her clothes, when she felt a familiar tap on her shoulder.

Even though she knew he was approaching, with her eyes closed, his touch scared the wits of her. She could feel the leopard ears, that had sprouted from her head before her transformation was interrupted, flatten to her skull.

"Jowan," Alfidaiya growled. "How many times must I tell you not to sneak up on me, let alone interrupt me when I'm studying? You're really lucky that my hands and teeth aren't transformed, otherwise I could have maimed you up real good."

"Oh, you're so funny," Jowan let out a half-laugh, not realizing that she was serious. "Actually, I came here to tell y- HOLY MAKER! Y-you have ears...and a tail...and there's fur on your arms!"

Alfidaiya scowled as she reversed the transformation so she was completely human again. "Way to point out the obvious. Fortunate for me, your outburst didn't attract the templars, otherwise, I'm sure they would've immediately went for their swords from the magnitude of your reaction and volume."

"I've never seen any magic like that before. What were you trying to do?"

"It's called shapeshifting. It's not 'forbidden magic,' but it's also not magic that is taught-or encouraged by the Circle."

"I see. If it's not taught in the Circle, how _did_ you manage to learn such a rare art, not to mention finding out that it existed?"

Alfidaiya sighed, exasperated with all of the questions, she wanted to say: _Don't you have anything better to do?_ She doesn't say that, however. Instead she simply shrugged. "To be honest, that is something I've been wondering myself. I mean, I have read in some of the library's books about rumors of either Tevinter Magisters or Hedge Mages practicing it, but other than that, there is no book here that goes into great detail about it."

The day she found out that she was a mage is one of the few instances she could still vaguely remember from her childhood. She doesn't remember her family or their faces anymore, but what she does remember, was that they lived near in Lothering, and the human children used to bully her by pushing her, throwing small stones and other objects at her. When she was about five-years-old, she remembers them cornering her against a wall, calling her knife-ear, proceeding to grab her ears and hair and pull on them hard. What happened next, was that she transformed into a leopard cub, and nearly bit off a boy's hand, and scratched up a few others pretty badly. She wasn't even aware that she transformed herself; that's how frightened she was. That same day, templars took her (still transformed) to the Circle Tower.

Now that Jowan has brought up the question of how she acquired the knowledge of magic that the Circle did not teach or have books that could teach a mage how to shapeshift, she realized the incident with the human children in Lothering did not happen that long after she began having "dreams" of supposedly being in the Fade. Little did she know then, that she actually was in the Fade as what the demons label as "aware."

"What were you looking for me for," Alfidaiya asked Jowan.

"Oh, I just wanted to talk. You've been awfully busy lately, and I rarely get to see you or talk to you anymore," Jowan looked at her with sincere concern on his face.

Alfidaiya's best friend, Cristina approached her; she was just around the corner of the "wall" of bookcases Alfidaiya was standing by.

"You know, Alfidaiya, Jowan is right. You need to take a break from studying now and then," Cristina said. "You haven't been eating as much lately as you should be, and you are already skinny enough as it is."

"You do remember what our mentor has told us many times about straining ourselves too much, right?" Jowan said. "When you expend too much of your mana..."

"You are more susceptible to being possessed and less likely to resist because of the loss of physical energy as well," Alfidaiya finished Jowan's sentence in a monotone voice.

"I know you're worried about the Harrowing, but that's a long way from now. By the time it is your turn to take your Harrowing, you'll be too exhausted even if you have mastered what you need to or have enough willpower, to resist a demon trying to possess you." Cristina gave a worried look at Alfidaiya.

"Oh, by the way, the First Enchanter also wanted us to check up on you," Jowan added. "He noticed how much more time you have been spending this month studying and worries that you might be overdoing it a bit."

"The First Enchanter? Oh! I forgot to submit the progress report he requested on my crafting and-" Alfidaiya started to say.

Cristina sighed; her right eyebrow was twitching slightly, a sure sign that was a bit irritated with Alfidaiya. "I apologize for having to do this my dear friend, but this is to knock some sense into you," Cristina said as she raised her hand up._SLAP!_

Just as Cristina's hand connected to Alfidaiya's face, there was a sharp sound of a sword unsheathing close by, which caused all three of them to jump. _Clank! Clank! Clank! _The sound of a templar's metal boots echoed in the hallway leading into the library.

Then, a familiar stern voice barked in the templar's direction, "Knight-Captain! What do you think you're doing?"

"Ah-I, Knight-Commander, well, you see, I thought the girl was trying to hurt her and you had told us..."

Jowan and Cristina looked at each other and struggled to not laugh.

Greagoir let out a very exasperated sigh, "Cullen, when I say hostile, I mean when the mage is resorting to means such as blood magic, or using their magic intentionally to kill or harm someone. And even in those cases, there can be exceptions by taking in account the age, mental capability to rationalize, among a number of other things about a person."

"I'm sorry, Knight-Commander, Ser, I-"

"It's alright, Cullen. I understand you're nervous, being in a new and unfamiliar setting. Just think next time, before you draw your blade." Greagoir grumbled something almost incomprehensible to Alfidaiya (as close as she was to the entrance to the library), as he left Cullen at his post. She thought she heard him mumble something like "Maker help me."

"Thank goodness, Greagoir was there," Jowan whispered to Cristina.

"That new Knight-Captain sure doesn't sound like the brightest guy in the world, " Cristina giggled quietly.

Alfidaiya frowned in disapproval at her two friends, who were whispering and giggling like they were still seven-years-old. "Seriously, you two. Be respectful. I know neither of you are fond of the templars but it doesn't mean you should..." She paused in mid-sentence. _What am I saying? I've heard the templars gossiping about certain mages all the time, not to mention the whole emphasis of "mages aren't people. pffft. I seriously don't understand sometimes why we can't co-exist peacefully._

Cristina and Jowan both raised an eyebrow at her.

"Never mind. I'll talk to you two later in the apprentice quarters. I'm going to finish the reports that I promised the First Enchanter."

"Ah, child. There you are," First Enchanter Irving stood up from his chair as he saw Alfidaiya enter his office. "I was wondering when you were going to show up."

"Ah. H-hello. I'm very sorry, First Enchanter for keeping you waiting, "Alfidaiya stammered; she handed him the reports he had asked for.

"Do please, sit down. There are a few things I want to talk to you about. Relax. You're not in trouble for anything," Irving said.

As Alfidaiya made herself comfortable in the chair in front of his desk, Irving quickly read through the papers she handed him.

"Interesting and quite impressive. It seems like you're making great progress in your work; in fact, the most progress in enchanting that I have ever seen made by any mage. You have even figured out how to animate objects?"

"Yes, First Enchanter. Only small to medium sized objects as of now. I know you didn't ask me to bring anything else, but, in case you wanted to have some visual of some of the objects I can make as well as that particular type of enchantment," Alfidaiya said. "I brought one of my favorite items I have made so far." Reaching into a bag she brought along with her, she set down a medium sized hand-carved figurine of the legendary phoenix bird.

"Remarkable! May I examine it?" Irving asked.

Alfidaiya smiled and nodded her head. "By all means, First Enchanter."

As First Enchanter Irving examined the figurine, the blink turned its head occasionally to look at Alfidaiya, blinking its beady dark red eyes. In response to Irving's touch and attention to it, the "bird," proudly stretched out its wings, arched its neck slightly, and let out a soft sound that was as pleasant to the ear as a musical note.

Irving chuckled. "I almost want to believe that this is a real bird. I have never seen any item or enchantment like it has."

Alfidaiya beamed earnestly. "Oh, one other thing that it will do in time, is as the legend goes, when the bird dies, it catches on fire (objects around it won't catch on fire) and is reduced to ashes; from those ashes a new phoenix is reborn."

"Fascinating!" Irving sat at his desk for moment looking thoughtfully at the bird, which in return blinks back at him with what appeared to be equal curiosity. "Very nice. You may continue with both your craft making and enchanting."

"Thank you, First Enchanter,"

"One more thing, before you go," Irving said with a more serious tone to his voice, and a look of immense concern on his face. "Are you alright? I've noticed you've been spending most of your free time studying. There's nothing wrong with that, however, your friends, mentor, senior enchanters, and oh, even Greagoir showed some concern about how you have not been getting as much sleep as we think you should be getting, and aren't eating as much as you should be."

Alfidaiya looked down at the floor, a little embarrassed. "I'm fine and I do appreciate the concern."

Irving frowned, not at Alfidaiya but at something he must've been thinking of at the moment. "The other apprentices...they aren't picking on you again, are they? This month you have been more distant to everyone; you used to come talk to me and other enchanters more often. There certainly must be a reason for that; the only reason that would make sense to me is that your peers have said something to you."

Alfidaiya did not raise her eyes from the floor. _I've been trying to forget they have said anything to me, but, with it being brought up now, I guess I can't ignore the pain I have been feeling, forever. _She thought back to what happened a month back, and told the First Enchanter everything she could remember.

_13 Bloomingtide, 9:24 Dragon_

_I hate them! I hate being an elf! If I was a human, but still had the same personality, same talent, same friends, I'm sure they wouldn't be as contemptuous of me as they are of me now! It's weird, I sometimes think the templars like me more than my own peers. That says a lot, since templars hate mages, and they're all humans. In fact, I do rather like and have a lot of respect for Knight-Commander Greagoir. He may be intimidating and scary at times, but he doesn't put up with crap from templars or mages. He at least, doesn't look at me with a disgusted look constantly on his face.._

_The other apprentices, I hear them talking about me all of the time, saying things like "That elf girl seems rather too close to First Enchanter Irving and most of the enchanters, don't you think?" Kiera said._

_"She even seems rather friendly with Greagoir and the templars," Beth added with a scoff._

_"Someone ought to put 'Miss goody-two-shoes' down. She doesn't belong in the Circle and doesn't deserve to have mage abilities."_

_"If anyone's dangerous, I'd say she is."_

_If those comments aren't bad enough, their actions are as well. Some nights, when I go to lay down in my bed, I'd lay down only to find myself laying in a pile of excrement. Then during the morning, even though I obviously bathed to clean myself of what I was laying on and to try to get rid of the smell, the smell never went fully away. It was so humiliating._

_They also have destroyed, stolen, set afire, or simply threw my things in the bedpan, when it was filled with piss or excrement._

_I think I'm going to start taking all of my personal belongings with me and sleep somewhere else. I am through with being stepped on. And here I thought, they finally came to terms with having to be around an elf, and that I have succeeded at things they are struggling with._

"I would've went to you sooner, but I assumed that would've only made things worse, since it would prove their point that I do seek friendship more among the mages and enchanters than among them," Alfidaiya said, trying to hold back her tears.

Irving remained silent for a moment. "I see," he replied. "And where have you been sleeping since that day?"

"I slept in the library."

Irving nodded and the seriousness on his face increased.

"I think I may need to have a word with all of the apprentices," Irving said, standing up from his chair. "I suggest that you stay in my office in the meanwhile, for I suspect the apprentices will confront you about having come to me. If talking to them doesn't help, then I'm afraid I will need to talk to Knight-Commander Greagoir about re-posting and even increasing the number of templars. It's a shame to have to take that measure because of bullying-no, child, it's not your fault. I do think it is necessary to keep all of my mages safe and secure - not just from demons, but from each other as well. I'm going to send for a templar to watch over you; it's just as a precaution. It's not because I don't trust you."

Alfidaiya nodded. "I understand, First Enchanter. I have no problem with any measures you need to take even as a precaution."

"Oh, while I'm gone, feel free to read any of the books I have in my office. I know there might be a few that might peak your interest."

"Thank you, First Enchanter."


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Two

As soon as First Enchanter Irving left his office, Alfidaiya stood up from the chair and went to each bookcase, looking for an interesting book to read. _I wonder if he has any books on shapeshifting._

After five to ten minutes of browsing through the bookcases, a book title finally caught her eye. It was titled, "What the Chantry Doesn't Tell you About Lyrium." Alfidaiya sat back down in the chair she had been sitting in, and skimmed through the book. _"How to Cure Lyrium Addiction"_-_even though I'm no templar, since I'm developing an interest in healing and herbalism, this sounds like it might be useful to know._ Reaching inside her bag, she grabbed a quill and ink well, and a few pieces of parchment, and began to write.

_Clank. Clank. Clank._ The footsteps of a templar echoed in the corridor, and grew louder at ever second.

Alfidaiya clenched her teeth, trying hard to ignore the sound, to prevent her from doing or saying anything rash aloud.

_Scribble scribble. "...told otherwise, templars actually don't need lyrium to-"_

The footsteps stopped in front of the doorway to the First Enchanter's Office. "Um...Hello," the templar said.

_SNAP!_ The quill snapped in Alfidaiya's hand, and she literally jumped from her seat in reaction to the templar's voice. She spun around to see who just entered the room; she found herself facing the Knight-Captain she had heard talking to the Knight-Commander earlier. She quickly shut the book and flipped it backwards so he didn't see what the name of the book was.

Apparently she held an extremely annoyed look on her face, because after making eye contact for a split second, the young Knight-Captain appeared to be even more uncomfortable than he was to begin with.

"Oh. I, um, I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to startle you," he fidgeted uncomfortably. "Knight-Commander Greagoir assigned me to watch over you until the First Enchanter was finished with his meeting. Don't mind me. Go on with, um, whatever you were doing.

Alfidaiya's expression on her face softened a little. _Am I really that intimidating when I'm annoyed, to make him that nervous? Maybe his stuttering is a side-effect of becoming addicted to lyrium? Though, I honestly, have never heard of it doing such a thing. Or maybe it has something to do with starting to take lyrium too early? He looks like he's only a few years older than me._

Alfidaiya gave him a small smile. "It's okay. You have no need to apologize. I was rather rude and unfriendly, I'm sorry. I get distracted easily when I'm concentrating on something, and as a result, I quickly get irritated. Why don't we try this again?" She extended a hand out to him. "Hello. My name is Alfidaiya, what is your name, Ser?" She gave him a warm smile to reassure him that she wasn't mad at him. She thought for sure this would've made him feel better, but his face only turned pinker.

"M-my name? Oh, I'm Knight-Captain Cullen," he stammered. He stared at Alfidaiya's outstretched hand. "Err... no...I'm sorry... My Knight-Commander...I mean Knight-Commander Greagoir told us templars not to befriend mages or to fraternize."

She blinked at him and then let out a quiet sigh of frustration. _And..this is why I don't usually try to initiate conversation; this is why I am no good at socializing with anyone...except with those that are superior to me._ She sat back down in the chair and stuffed the figurine back in her bag just as she remembered about it still being out. _Why did I even bother?_

Alfidaiya pulled out another quill and continued, or to be more precise-_tried_ to continue from where she left off, when she heard Irving enter the room with Jowan and Cristina.

"Thank you, Cullen for staying with her while I was gone," Irving greeted Cullen. "You may leave and return to your post, if you wish."

"It was no problem at all, First Enchanter," Cullen replied, and then he left the office.

"Welcome back, First Enchanter," she greeted him.

"Thank you, child. I'm sure you're wondering how the meeting went. This situation may be more serious than we initially thought it was. I fear we may need to talk to Greagoir for a solution or at least his opinion on the matter."

"I found this on your bed, which was burnt and all torn up with a knife or some sharp object," Cristina handed Alfidaiya a piece of parchment.

_"You better watch your back, Knife-Ears. You have made a lot of enemies tonight."_ Some of the comments that she found on the parchment were: "_Traitor; go jump in Lake Calenhad; I'll burn you in your sleep."_Alfidaiya's face went white just from reading the first several lines; she handed the parchment to Irving.

"What good will talking to the Knight-Commander do," Jowan blurted out.

"Jowan-" Alfidaiya said in a warning tone of voice.

"He hates all mages, so-"

"I advise you to watch your tongue, Jowan," Irving said, frowning in disappointment at Jowan.

"Yes, First Enchanter. My apologies." Jowan then excused himself out of the room.

"Cristina, would you be so kind to ask the Knight-Captain to have Greagoir come to my office?" Irving asked.

"Certainly, First Enchanter," Cristina replied.

Once she had left the room, Irving leaned slightly forward at his desk. "Alfidaiya, until a course of action is made about this problem, if it doesn't happen today that is, I'd hate to ask you this, but do you think you could go spend the night shapeshifted in a small form on a different floor?"

Alfidaiya nodded, a little taken aback with the request. She was still a bit speechless from what she read.

"I know, it's a rather odd request, since the Circle doesn't recognize such a rare form of magic, as magic."

"Irving," Greagoir said.

Hearing Greagoir's gruff voice, Alfidaiya turned around in time to see the Knight-Commander entering into Irving's office with the nervous Knight-Captain at his side. When Cullen's eyes briefly met hers, she greeted him with a warm smile, to which Cullen quickly turned away from so she wouldn't see him blushing

"Ah, Greagoir. Thank you for coming to my office," Irving stood up from his chair. "I apologize for summoning you without a sooner notice."

"It's quite all right, Irving. I'm assuming the meeting didn't go well, no?" Greagoir looked at Irving expectantly.

"Actually, it's worse than that, I'm afraid. Take a look at this note. This was found on Alfidaiya's bed, which has been burnt, and torn apart with a sharp object."

Greagoir took the note and silently read it, "Hmm...You're right Irving. I'm glad you brought this to my attention."

"The note was found _after_ the meeting," Irving added. "Ever since we brought her to the tower, many of her peers were always picking on her-physically and verbally. Alfidaiya, would you please be so kind and tell Greagoir what happened in the past month or two?"

Alfidaiya did the best she could to remember every detail that she had told the First Enchanter. Having both templars plus the First Enchanter looking at her so intently, made it really hard for her to speak without stumbling.

Once she finished talking, Greagoir's face looked extremely darkened by what he had heard as well as what was written on the note; Cullen's face looked rather ashened.

"Greagoir, I don't suppose you have any suggestions to how we can solve this problem?" Irving asked. "I would like to think this is just simple bullying and the proper solution is to discipline those that are bullying her, but from the notes and what they had done to her bed, I doubt that is the case anymore."

"The only solution I can think of is having some of the templars be in the rooms to keep an eye on the apprentices, and increasing the number of templars in the areas that the apprentices go to. Even by doing this, I fear... "Greagoir glanced in Alfidaiya's direction and then he looked back in Irving, with an expression on his face that seemed to be trying to hint at something for only Irving to understand.

"Mmm... Yes, you're right, Greagoir," Irving replied, stroking his beard thoughtfully. Cullen looked first at Greagoir and then at Irving with an inquisitive look on his face. "I admit, this is going to take a lot of explaining to everyone why the extra security for just one apprentice."

_Ah. He must be remembering what happened to me at Lothering, after all, Knight-Commander Greagoir was with the First Enchanter when the templars brought me here._ _I, myself, am surprised I haven't been backed into a corner by the other apprentices yet._ Alfidaiya looked up, noticing Greagoir and Irving were both looking at her with expressions she couldn't quite comprehend.

"Giving the uncertainty of the matter, Irving, do you think for the time being, we should separate her from the rest of the apprentices, perhaps having a templar keep a close guard on her? I'm considering to relocate her to the templar quarters, if I have your permission."

Irving frowned. "Are you sure that is a wise idea, Greagoir? The templars are certainly going to not be pleased at that notion. In fact, I'm quite surprised _you_ would suggest something like _that_." Irving paused; he appeared quite troubled. "I'm afraid, Greagoir, that won't be enough. I suggest we have her stay amongst the other apprentices, and make sure the templars keep a close eye-and keep you updated on any developments or behavior of the other apprentices."

"Understood."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Three

_9:25 Dragon_

_5 Drakonis, 9:25 Dragon_

_It has almost been a year since Knight-Commander Greagoir had changed the layout of the templars' posts. Not surprisingly, the apprentices were Not pleased; in the following months, they gave me even more dangerous looks than they have gave me in the past. The girls especially have been hounding me, but with less open animosity than before, with the templars constantly watching them._

_The thought of them being present in the room even while we bathe, makes me just as uncomfortable as they do, in spite of what they may think I feel. Nonetheless, I am very grateful to the First Enchanter, the Knight-Commander, and even the templars all together, for making my life feel a little more bearable than before. I made sure to give Greagoir and Irving my thanks. Greagoir just patted me on the shoulder and said that it is the templars' duties not just to prevent any abominations from emerging, but it is also to protect the lives and ensure the well-being of everyone inside of the tower. Irving just smiled warmly at me and told me that it is his duty to ensure that every mage in the tower feels safe and secure. I am truly proud to be part of the Circle. In spite of the way my peers treat me, I'm glad the Circle took me in._

She closed her journal and taking quill and ink well, she neatly placed them neatly in her trunk and locked it.

"Hey, Alfidaiya. I'm glad you went to dinner tonight and actually ate all of your food," Jowan said. "Though, you did finish eating rather quickly."

"I wanted to write in my journal. I've been neglecting keeping it updated," Alfidaiya replied.

"Listen, I was thinking-"

"Alfidaiya!" a voice squealed excitedly behind her...a little too loudly though.

Alfidaiya winced. "Hello to you too, Cristina. Was that really necessary?"

"Sorry..." Cristina smiled sheepishly and apologetically at the same time. "Look, I have this crazy idea."

Alfidaiya turned away from Cristina and looked blankly at the wall. _Somehow, I think I'm going to regret this. Whenever she says that she has a 'wild' or 'crazy idea,' it usually involves me getting embarrassed._

"Come with me, you two," Cristina grabbed Alfidaiya by her wrist, and literally dragged her through the hallway.

"You know, you didn't have to drag me," Alfidaiya grumbled. "So, what is this all about?"

"I've just heard some interesting rumors, and I just wanted to see for myself if it was true."

Alfidaiya gives her a blank look. _And? Couldn't you go and find out by yourself?_

"Oh this should be good. C'mon, Alfidaiya, just please, for once, hear what she has to say," Jowan begged.

"Fine. What do you want me to do?" Alfidaiya sighed wearily.

"Go talk to the Knight-Captain," Cristina pointed at a lone templar standing near the two corridor's archway that connects them to each other.

"**That's** what you needed me to do? Couldn't you talk to him yourself? He told me he couldn't talk because the Knight-Commander forbids it."

Cristina raised an eyebrow and then smirked. "C'mon, just go say 'hi' at the very least."

Alfidaiya, with her friends closely tagging behind her, approached Cullen at his post and smiled sweetly at him. She held her arms stiffly in front of her because of how nervous she was, and subconsciously held onto one of the sleeves of her robe with her free hand.

"Hello, Cullen," she greeted him shyly. Alfidaiya always has been nervous talking to most men-except for Jowan, of course; she could never look at them straight in the eye.

"Oh, um, h-hello. I... uh, hope you've been doing alright," he stuttered.[1]

"I'm doing better than I was a year ago. Why are you stuttering?"

Behind Alfidaiya, Jowan and Cristina were shooting each other knowing looks, and were trying their best to remain silent. It was quite apparent now that Jowan knew what rumor it was that Cristina had heard.

Jowan, however, couldn't resist being silent any longer; he stepped forward so only Alfidaiya could only hear him. "_(Psst)_Someone likes you."[2]

Alfidaiya's face turned pink. _That is the most ridiculous idea I have ever heard. A templar...liking a mage?_

"W-what? I'm fine," Cullen retorted rather quickly.[3]

"I'm glad." Alfidaiya let out a small giggle, and forced herself to look up at his eyes. She smiled cordially at him and kept her gaze steadily on him, until he was forced to finally acknowledge her with a rather small nervous smile.

Hearing, her friend's not so inconspicuous snickers, she shot them a look and mouthed, "I'm _not_ flirting with him."

_The nerve of them all to think I'm flirting with him. I don't even know what flirting is._Alfidaiya scowled at her friends over her shoulder._They told me to say 'hi,' so, that's what I'm doing._

_Earlier that day..._

Knight-Captain Cullen stood stiffly at his regular post in the Apprentice Quarters. Many of the templars that would get assigned to the Apprentice Quarters take advantage of the post by watching the female apprentices bathe, but Knight-Captain Cullen knew that was just..._wrong._

To him, each post they were assigned had different responsibilities they needed to uphold. The general role of the templars and each post they were assigned at was to watch out for any signs of corruption, demonic possession, and to be ready to slay the abomination. To Cullen, the templars' roles was something that ought to be taken seriously, but not to the point where they _enjoy_ slaying mages that turn into abominations. He also believed that their role wasn't just about catching apostates and slaying abominations as many that join the order initially believed, but it was also about keeping _everyone_ inside the tower safe from other forms of danger.

Standing guard nearly all day was a tedious task to even him, but he was proud to serve the order and hoped to become as dedicated as Knight-Commander Greagoir was. There was one weakness that even he, probably the most dutiful of all the templars in the tower (with the exception of the Knight-Commander, of course) couldn't prevent himself from succumbing to.

"Alfidaiya," a scruffy looking male human apprentice called out as he ran out into the corridor, "Wait up; I want to talk to you."

A female elf apprentice turned around at the sound of her name being called, and waited for the other apprentice. She had tan skin, a slender figure, and dark reddish-brown hair that was pulled back into two tiny pigtails. As she waited for him to catch up, she turned to look at Cullen and gave him a shy, but friendly smile. There was a guise of pure innocence in her brown eyes that blinked softly at him.

Cullen shuffled uncomfortably in place as he found himself under her gaze. Something about the way she looked at him was driving his insides crazy. _I wonder if that boy she's always hanging around with is her boyfriend. Wait...why should that even matter to me?_

CLANK! Someone's hand clamped down hard on Cullen's shoulder. In response, Cullen flinched and turned his head around.

It was his friend Gordon, who was also a templar; his regular post was at the library. "Good morning, Knight-Captain. How's the watch? Any abominations emerge yet?"

"Ser Gordon, what are you doing away from your post?" Cullen inquired; silently he was cursing him. _Dammit, Gordon! Don't startle me like that!_

"Knight-Commander Greagoir wanted to talk to me about something," Gordon replied, still grinning. "My, someone is a bit on the edge today. Did any scary demons appear yet?"

"Ser Gordon, I don't think you should kid-"

Gordon let out a hearty laugh. "Or...was it _that_elf that you always seem to be watching _so_ intensely, that you just saw? She _is_ a cute one."

"I wasn't watching her like _that_," Cullen said through gritted teeth. "Maybe it was _you_ that was watching her. And have you no shame, she's a mage and you're a templar?"

Gordon let out another laugh. "There's no need to remind _me_ what we are. I saw where your eyes were lingering, don't try to hide it from me. What a nice figure she has for a fifteen-year-old, don't you think?

"G-Gordon," Cullen stammered.

"A-ha! So I _am_right_._Cullen, you should really see the look on your face. Wow, what a _pretty_ shade of red your face is. Well, if you have no plans on pursuing her, I think I might give a _go_ at her myself." He winked slyly at Cullen.

"Ser Gordon, I order you as your Knight-Captain to return to your post," Cullen growled, infuriated at this point.

"Ah, and here I thought I had loosened you up a bit. Oh, well. At least I tried. I'll talk to you later then," Gordon said.

"Gordon..." Cullen said in a warning tone of voice. As Gordon disappeared from sight, Cullen cursed again under his breath.

_I wasn't looking at her like_**_that_**_, was I? After all, he's the one that said "She's a cute one," not I. "...I think I might have a go at her myself..." What in the name of Andraste is That supposed to mean? Whatever that means, I don't like the sound of it...not that it should matter to me._Cullen rubbed his forehead with his right hand. _It's still early in the morning and already I think I'm getting a head ache._

"_(Sigh)_." Maybe Gordon is right. It just doesn't feel right to have feelings for a mage since, one of the rules Knight-Commander Greagoir emphasized the most was for the templars to keep their eyes to themselves, and it's not something he should feel proud of either.

_I guess I really need to be discreet about my feelings. I would hate for the Knight-Commander to think I'm unfit for duty._ _But, damn... Okay, Gordon, I admit it, she's cute...and I don't care that she's an elf. It's the fact she's a mage that concerns me; even then...the way she casts her spells with an air of self-confidence..._

Cullen rubbed his eyes and realized how tired he suddenly felt.

Subconsciously, as the hours ticked by, he found himself occasionally looking in the direction where Alfidaiya had went. _I wonder if the other apprentices are treating her any better. I haven't seen anything alarming when I'm posted here, but that doesn't mean much. There are plenty of other times when they'd have the opportunity to torment her with or without any words or physical actions being made. I still don't understand what Greagoir was implying a year ago, when he was talking to Irving._

Cullen recalled part of the conversation that had taken place in the First Enchanter's Office about several months ago:

_"The only solution I can think of is having some of the templars be in the rooms to keep an eye on the apprentices, and increasing the number of templars in the areas that the apprentices go to. Even by doing this, I fear... "Greagoir looked at Irving, alluding apparently to something that Irving that knew about._

Whatever the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter were thinking about, Cullen hoped wouldn't happen. Although, he was a bit puzzled about why he would, his heart was telling him that he'd be willing to throw down his life just to protect her.

S_he just looks so fragile, so innocent, chaste, and yet so tempting... I fear what the other templars might do if they had any chance to take advantage of her. And...in spite of being a mage, wielding so much power at her finger tips, she looks so helpless and defenseless. I would like to think I'm not like the other templars. I wonder...the way she has been looking at me...does she...like me? Or, was she only being friendly? Dammit, Cullen! Get a hold of yourself._

_Tup tup tup._The soft sound of silk cladded shoes hitting the stone floor of the corridors, echoed loudly. Cullen distinguished the footsteps to belong to the female elf mage, Alfidaiya Surana. He became familiar with the sound of her footsteps from the time he had spent at this particular post, watching her coming from the Apprentice Quarters and going back to them throughout the day. There seemed to be a soft and light spring to her step in comparison to the dull and ordinary footsteps of the other mages to him.

Cullen tried his best not to look in her direction, as she walked past him. It was difficult for him to hold back a smile, hearing her humming to herself. _It seems that she's happy enough today...and healthier. Several months ago, she looked rather sickly. Every time I turned around, she seemed to always be studying. Now, I notice she has been more relaxed-still studying, but studying things more for her own interests rather than just for necessity._

About ten minutes later, the boy he had seen earlier in the day, came running down the hall and into the Apprentice's Quarters; not even five minutes passed, until Alfidaiya's other friend came darting around the corner, with a rather amused grin on her face. She darted Cullen a quick glance before joining her friends in the room; Cullen just ignored her. None of the other female mages in the tower peaked any interest in any shape or form for Cullen, not even the slightest bit. To him, Alfidaiya had something that the other female mages did not have; he couldn't quite grasp what exactly it was though.

_I don't understand why she smiles at me...especially after how cold I was to her when Greagoir assigned me to watch her sometime last year. Talking to people doesn't seem to be her strong point-which I can understand since most of them apparently doesn't like elves. It looked like it took her a lot of courage to even say hello to me._

"Hello, Cullen."[4]

Cullen turned around and found himself face-to-face with Alfidaiya, whom he was just thinking about. She looked just about as nervous as he felt; he noticed her hands were trembling slightly and was clutching tightly onto her robe; she somehow was able to maintain her smile without letting it waver.

"Oh, um, h-hello. I... uh, hope you've been doing alright," Cullen managed to croak out as he struggled to catch his breath; he felt his adrenaline rush to his head, making it suddenly difficult for him to think and breathe.[5]

_I can't believe...she's actually talking to me...yet, of course, at the worst possible time, I have to sound like a fool, by stuttering like a child._

"Why are you stuttering?"[6] Alfidaiya looked inquisitively and concerned at Cullen, who happened to miss her answer to his question.

_**Shit**__. This is Not how I imagined our next conversation to be like._Cullen seriously wanted to cover his face or go hide in a corner somewhere out of embarrassment. _Oh, great, her friends are watching us._

Alfidaiya waited patiently for Cullen to answer.

"W-what? I'm fine," Cullen retorted rather quickly.[7] He half-expected her to give up talking to him like she had about a year ago, but she didn't. She just continued watch him, and even giggled at him.

"I'm glad," she said with a smile. "I shouldn't distract you from your duties. I'm sorry for wasting your time."[8]

Surprisingly, Cullen's face seemed to brighten up. "Oh, you're not distracting," he said, a bit over enthusiastically; he rubbed his face with his hand, trying to hide his embarrassment and silently scolded himself.[9] _Cullen, Greagoir won't like this if you start fraternizing with a mage; you're supposed to be on the lookout for possible signs of corruption_. But, instead of telling her that he shouldn't be talking to her, he told her quite the opposite. "I mean, you are, but...well, you're not. I mean, you can talk to me anytime if you want."[10] Cullen sighed and silently cursed himself for stuttering so much.

* * *

[1] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[2] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[3] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[4] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[5] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[6] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[7] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[8] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[9] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[10] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Four

_9:27 Dragon_

Alfidaiya had initially thought her life was significantly improving with the increased presence of the templars on the first floor and in the Circle Tower. By mid-Bloomingtide, the apprentices that had been bullying her returned to simply ignoring her. She was able to resume sleeping in the Apprentice Quarters without having to fear waking up covered in trash. The templars' constant presence, however, eventually became wearisome even to her; it was all thanks to one particular male human apprentice.

CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! CLANK! Two furious templars rushed through the Apprentice Quarters' halls as fast as men in massive armor could possibly run, chasing an apprentice, who had his hair pulled back in a ponytail. The apprentice was laughing in delight as he ran through the lobby doors.

"Oh, heeey! It's Greagoir! It's nice to see you...and it was nice knowing you too!"

"Anders! Stop this minute," Greagoir shouted. _SLAM!_ The tower's doors slammed shut almost "in response" to Greagoir's demand. "Templars, bring him back to the tower before he gets away again!"

"Yessir!" the two templars answered in unison.

_11 Kingsway, 9:27 Dragon_

_Anders is such a fool. He has only made life in the tower even more difficult for him and for the rest of us mages. The mages and apprentices' patience were already drawn thin enough from the repositioning of the templars' posts. Now, we have to be escorted and constantly in templar presence. This means for me that if no templar is stationed in the workshop area, I can't spend my free time working on my projects; same goes with the library with my studying. Right now, I'd do almost anything just to be able to burn his ass._

_Partially because of that reason, I fear pandemonium will overtake the Circle Tower's Halls in the future. Here is part of an excerpt from a transcription of a tale told by a former templar in Cumberland, 8:84 Blessed, "We had forced it to this, I realized; the mage had made this pact, given himself over to the demon to survive our assault." Although in that case, the templars pushed the mage into making a pact with a demon and, as a result, became an abomination, from reading the whole tale and its conclusion, I can foresee the possibility of radical actions being taken towards the templars by the more zealous anti-templar mages in the Circle. Although, directly, it wouldn't be Anders' fault, I find it as a legitimate argument to say he'd still be indirectly responsible for allowing it to reach that point. Then, again, does that make me just as guilty as Anders' - other than the fact he has attempted to escape _**_multiple _**_times?_

_Maybe the simplest solution to making someone like him 'stay put,' is by finding him a "pretty girl..." That's how hopeless and as much of a fool I think he is._

Alfidaiya put away her writing materials and headed to the second floor; the templar who was posted in the Apprentice Quarters, silently escorted her there. Once upstairs, the templar returned to his post when he saw that Alfidaiya was heading to an area where there were templars posted at.

_Just thinking about Anders gives me a head ache. Maybe once I start working on my current project, I'll feel better._ As she headed down corridor and turned the corner, she spotted Knight-Captain Cullen standing with his back against a wall. Abruptly, at the sight of Cullen, she felt her insides squirm and her heart flutter; this was strange because she hadn't given Cullen another thought since she last talked to him two years ago.

_What is this strange feeling? Last time I attempted to make conversation, my nerves felt nothing like the nerves I'm feeling right now. I admit, every time I see him looking in my direction, I feel something unsettling in my stomach. Something about the way his hazel eyes linger on me when I am walking by him, makes me feel rather...pleased, if that's the correct word, to have his attention on me._

"Hello, Cullen," she said.

"Oh," Cullen looked up at her in surprise. "Hello."

"I still have some time until I have to head for the workshop room," she told Cullen. "Would you like to go somewhere else?"

"Elsewhere? What do you mean?"[1]

"I've seen the say you look at me..."[2]

**_Shit._**

Alfidaiya raised an eyebrow at Cullen. "Excuse me?" _What is he getting embarrassed about? I only wanted to..._

"Oh, my goodness. If you're saying... what I think... that would be really... inappropriate and..." Cullen stammered as he looked up at the ceiling; he looked like he was imagining something. "I couldn't. I-I should go."[3]

_What in the name of Andraste was he thinking I meant?_**_I_**_certainly wasn't thinking of anything inappropriate. I only wanted to get to know him better. Even though templars are not allowed to become friends with mages, somehow, I don't think that's the type of inappropriate that Cullen was thinking of._

"Wait-Cullen," Alfidaiya called out to Cullen, who was sprinting down the corridor leading to the First Enchanter's office. She ran after Cullen and hoped she would be able to catch up to him.

_When I said I have seen the way he has looked at me, I heard him say '_**_shit._**_' Hmm... Ah, well. It's a thought for later... I just hope I can catch up to him since I can't imagine how easy it is for someone wearing massive armor to outrun someone wearing only robes._ _Seriously, Cullen, if I can't find you, you certainly owe me for the time I'm giving up from my projects, just to clarify what I meant._She gritted her teeth together in frustration. All she wanted to do was get to know Cullen better. _This is really stupid of him. Hopefully, the other templars won't think I'm trying pull an 'Anders,' while instead I'm trying to talk to Cullen._

Thankfully, she wasn't questioned by any of the templars about why she was unescorted.

_Dammit, Cullen! Why couldn't you-_

"Excuse me, Miss?"

"Yes?" Alfidaiya responded, but once she saw it was a templar speaking to her, she started panicking and blurted out, "Oh, I'm sorry! I was with a templar but he just ran off. I will go with you to talk to Knight-Commander Greagoir if you want-"

The templar laughed and held up his hand to quiet her. "There is no need," he said gently. "Calm down. You're not in trouble. Are you by any chance the apprentice, Alfidaiya Surana?"

"Y-yes, Ser."

"I'm guessing you were looking for Cullen, am I correct?"

She froze. _Shit. I don't want to get him in trouble, but if I don't tell him the truth, then he'll think wasn't with a templar escort._ "Yes. But, it was my fault, not his."

"Relax. I'm a friend of his. I'm afraid to tell you, he ran out of the tower in a mighty big hurry. I'm Ser Gordon, by the way."

She bowed her head, a habit she had developed to be polite. "It is a pleasure to meet you. Did he happen to say why he ran outside?"

"He said he just needed...air," Ser Gordon said. He looked around to make sure no one was around, and then he lowered his voice to a whisper. "But, you know what I think the reason was?"

"What?"

"I think he needed to let go of some 'stress,' if you know what I mean," Gordon snickered.

Alfidaiya stared blankly at Gordon. "I'm sorry, _what_?"

Gordon gave her a look of disbelief and said, "You really don't know what I mean?"

Alfidaiya shook her head. Gordon hesitated to tell her, but just as well, a smirk appeared on his face. "Damn. I'm guess I'll need to have a word with Cullen, when he's _done_."

"Um, I...do I even want to ask?" Alfidaiya asked; she was starting to feel not only awkward, but also a little frightened.

Before Gordon had the chance of answering her, Gordon was abruptly picked up by the collar of his undershirt. "What were you saying to her?" he demanded, glaring heatedly at his friend. Cullen apparently had returned from wherever he had happened to run to for an unknown reason.

"Cullen, relax. I was just joking with her," Gordon said; he glanced at Alfidaiya, hoping she'd explain.

Alfidaiya started backing away slowly, towards the staircase. _I didn't even hear or see Cullen approaching. Was he really outside?_

Without taking his eyes off of his friend, Cullen asked, "Did he do anything inappropriate to you?"

"N-no. Not that I'm aware of," she stammered.

"He didn't touch you anywhere?"

"No..."

"Are you going to tell me what you were saying to her, Gordon, or must I report you to the Knight-Commander..."

_Oh, for Andraste's sake, just end this conversation already before Irving or Greagoir shows up!_As confused as she was, the prolonging of the 'argument' between the boys was getting rather aggravating for Alfidaiya, not to mention awkward.

"Um, Knight-Captain, Ser?"

"Yes, what is it?"

"Gordon mentioned something about you going outside to release some 'stress.' What is that supposed to mean? He told me to ask you when you were '_done_'" From the aghast expression on Cullen's face, she ended up assuming it was something that doesn't want to know, or something that was really embarrassing for Cullen.

"You idiot!" Cullen dropped Gordon from his grasp and sucker punched him in the gut.

"Ow," Gordon groaned. "That hurt, Knight-Captain. What was that for?"

Cullen's only response to that was an icy glare and an order. "Return to your post, Ser Gordon. If you don't, I **will** report you to Knight-Commander Greagoir."

_Wow. The way, he acted just now, to make sure his friend didn't hurt me or anything..._ Alfidaiya felt her cheeks suddenly go unusually warm, and felt her heart flutter again. _Although, I think he may have overreacted a little bit, it was quite flattering to have a templar put that much passion in making sure I was unharmed._

"Are you alright, Miss Surana," Cullen asked. His face muscles relaxed, allowing a softer and more concerned look to replace the rigid expression he had maintained towards Gordan. He reached his arm out, offering her his hand to take, since she was still slightly trembling against the corner bookcase.

"Ah, thank you," she gladly took his hand, temporarily forgetting about the unusual sensation she was experiencing in his presence. "Yes, I'm alright, I guess. I'm just a bit dazed and confused after that."

Cullen nodded and gave her a small but reassuring smile. "I apologize for my friend's behavior. I'm glad to know it was nothing serious he had said or done, but still, I can't help but be surprised he acted _that_ way towards you." He looked at the clock in the library and then back at Alfidaiya. "I see that you're late for your extracurricular activities, and I apologize for that. Would you like me to escort you there?"

Realizing she was still holding onto his hand, she released it and blushed a little. "Yes, if you don't mind. I would very much like that."

_I would very much like that._ Cullen couldn't stop thinking about Alfidaiya's response to his offer to escort her. The earnest look in her eyes; the corners of her mouth turning upwards to form a small, modest smile; and the pink color rising to her cheeks as she quickly released her grasp of his hand.

As he escorted her to the workshop room, to his surprise, she loosened up and talked animatedly to Cullen about the projects she was currently working on. She seemed nothing like the timid and shy girl he usually sees, which to him, was a nice change, not that he didn't care for her shy side either.

Without looking directly at her, Cullen said, "I'm sorry for running from you earlier."

Again, she only smiled lightheartedly and just waved her hand in the air in dismissal of his apology. "Ah, it was nothing. I can understand that you didn't want to be caught talking to a mage by the other templars."

_What? Are you stu-_Cullen gazed at her in disbelief. _She really_**_is_**_naive..._

"Anyways, I was asking you if you'd be interested in coming to see the projects I've been working on? But, I can understand if you don't want to. The Knight-Commander..."

"Sure," Cullen replied automatically, cutting her off. Now, it was Alfidaiya's turn to look at Cullen with a mix of surprise-for making a decision so quickly the second time she had asked, and pleasure at the notion of him being interested in seeing what she prided herself in most.

When Cullen and Alfidaiya entered the workshop room, the two templars that were stationed there stood stiffly at attention.

"Carry on, men. Don't mind me," Cullen nodded in their direction.

"Knight-Captain," one of the templars spoke up. "It's about time for our break. Would you mind watching our post for an hour?"

"Go ahead boys."

"Thank you, Knight-Captain," the other templar said.

Alfidaiya went to a large cabinet and with a key that was strung around her neck, and unlocked it. She took out what appeared to Cullen to be an unfinished amulet and a hand carved likeness of the Circle Tower in the middle of Lake Calenhad. Not measuring it with the base, the tower appeared to be around the length Alfidaiya's forearm, when measuring its height.

"That's incredible," he murmured as he moved closer to where she had set the object down, so he could study it.

"Let me turn off the lights so you can see it better." When she turned off the lights, the windows of the carved Circle Tower lit up. The reflection of the tower and the lights that it emitted were seen even in the miniature Lake Calenhad.

Alfidaiya turned the lights back on and she pointed at something moving across the lake. There was a very tiny mage followed by two templars.

"Anders," she explained to Cullen. "When I finished enchanting this yesterday, that's all I could think of... I never thought my _thoughts_ would affect how it'd turn out. But, I guess, in a way, it makes the object more interesting."

After she locked the cabinet back up, she unlocked another cabinet to retrieve several vials of processed lyrium, three medium-sized packets of elfroot, one large packet of crushed powder of substance unfamiliar to Cullen, and one small packet of unusual looking minerals, and a large bowl, before locking it again. Afterwards, she poured the required lyrium into the pedestal that had been set up for her.

"What are you planning on doing with the tower replica that you made?

Before she could reply, Knight-Commander Greagoir and the First Enchanter Irving were inside the room. Her face lit up at the sight of the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter.

"Hello, Knight-Commander and First Enchanter," she greeted them. "I have finished the project I wanted to give to the Circle." She picked up the tower replica and carried it over to Greagoir and Irving.

Irving let out a chuckle at the sight of Anders swimming in the lake with two templars behind him. "Child, you never cease to amaze me."

"Thank you, First Enchanter."

"Irving, where did you teach her such an incredible enchantment from, or rather when? I have not heard of any of the other enchanters being able to enchant items with this type of effect," Greagoir said, evidently very impressed.

"Greagoir, you do not give the girl enough credit. She learned this all on her own," Irving replied; Cullen could tell that Irving was rather amused by Greagoir's incredulous expression. "Thank you, dear. We gladly accept this gift."

With a now more serious expression on his face, Greagoir turned again to Alfidaiya. "Are you ready to enter the Fade?"

"Yes, Ser. I have the required lyrium here and-" Alfidaiya began to say, before being cut off by Cullen.

"Wait...W-What? You're sending her to the Fade _already_?" Cullen couldn't believe what he was hearing.

Greagoir frowned at Cullen's outburst. "Knight-Captain, I advise you to not speak another word."

_I forgot. She still has yet to take the Harrowing. Until then, she's not supposed to know what the Harrowing is. I'm such an idiot...But, apparently she wasn't listening or simply just doesn't comprehend what was just said between Greagoir and I._ Cullen grimaced, but said nothing.

"We're ready when you are," Greagoir nodded towards the pedestal.

Alfidaiya approached the pedestal and stuck her hand in the lyrium; it wasn't long until she was overwhelmed by a white light and felt as if the world was spinning around her.

* * *

[1] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[2] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.

[3] Bioware: Dragon Age: Origins, 2009.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Five

Although it had been about twelve years since she last consciously remembered being in the Fade, the awareness of the presence of both demons and spirits alike and the eerie environment, was a sensation that was almost impossible for Alfidaiya to forget. She could not always see them, but she knew they were there, watching her every move, waiting for any small opportunity to strike and attempt to possess her body; she could sense their malice, hunger, rage, and jealousy towards her.

It wasn't just the demons and spirits that unsettled her while inside the fade, but it was also the mere sight of the Black City's ominous presence in the distance. It was always in her line of vision regardless of which way she looked or moved, and was haunting enough to bring chills down her back. She had always thought, since the first time she had set foot here, that the sky's toxic green color was a taint that the Black City's presence had produced.

_Cullen is probably wondering why I needed to go in the Fade. To be honest, I don't even know why exactly I'm here. All I know is that for this particular enchantment I'm trying to use..._ In mid-thought, a shade had managed to sneak up from behind her; it materialized from her own shadow and took a swipe at her. Small pieces of her robe was torn off at the shoulder and a thin cut appeared on her shoulder.

Wincing from the cut on her shoulder, she spun around to face the demon. "Oh, no you don't!" Alfidaiya cried out. _Remember, if the shade has enough focus, it can kill me very quickly, _she silently reminded herself. _Now, focus!_ She released an invisible telekinetic burst of energy on the ground, which stunned and interrupted the Shade's spell.

"I may be physically weak, Demon, but that doesn't mean I will be defeated that easily," Alfidaiya said through clenched teeth. Pushing her hands out in front of her and concentrating on her inner focus, she casted Crushing Prison on it; the Shade was immobilized in a cage that was derived from telekinetic energy, and was receiving continuous spirit damage.

With the Shade temporarily immobilized and being weakened the longer it was in the cage, with a blue flash of energy, Alfidaiya casted regeneration on herself and slowly, her shoulder wound disappeared. Even though the Shade was still entrapped within the telekinetic cage, she casted an arcane bolt-a purple bolt of energy at the Shade to ensure it wouldn't survive the attack, and then the Shade disintegrated into the air upon its defeat.

_I need to remember not to let my guard down. I suspect that I'm not going to be leaving the Fade without encountering several more demons._

Continuing down the path warily, Alfidaiya found herself repeatedly attacked by wisps, but was able to easily repel their attacks and effortlessly defeated them all. The path eventually led up a relatively rocky and steep hill, and at its top, she could see the portal that would lead her into the next area. She did not know how far her destination was from where her current position was; all she knew was to follow her instincts and that there should be a pedestal there.

At the top of the hill, she saw a rage demon waiting for her. Even though she never had underestimated a rage demon's power, to her, its attempts at intimidation as well as its appearance was laughable.

"It seems like I have found my-"

The minute the demon started talking, Alfidaiya felt as if the veins in the corner of her head were clustering up and popping out of her head. She formed a large teal glow of energy in her hands, faster than she had ever remembered doing, and threw it vehemently in the rage demon's face, for it was still spouting its typical unintelligent demon talk.

"Does it look like I care to hear your pitiful demon nonsense? No, I don't, so shut up!"

The spell burst on impact with the demon, draining all of the mana from the demon and at least ninety-percent of its health.

"**_Noooo! Raawr!_**" the rage demon charged blindly at her.

_What an annoying demon. I can't believe there are people that somehow manage to get possessed by _**_that_**_ idiotic type of demon. _She casted an arcane bolt to finish off the rage demon, and then moved on in through the portal.

The pedestal that she was looking for was almost right in front of the portal that she had entered the second area from. Standing beside the pedestal was a spirit that appeared in Cullen's likeness.

"Greetings, Mortal," the spirit greeted her in a voice identical to Cullen's. "So, we meet again."

_Again? Wait a minute...something is really strange..._

Alfidaiya eyed the spirit suspiciously; it looked almost identical to Cullen. "So, tell me...are you really a '_benevolent_' spirit, or are you a pride demon, or maybe a desire or sloth demon, trying to win my trust over to possess me?" _Of course, if it was a smart demon, it would lie._

"I-I am no demon," the spirit said indignantly. "But, I don't blame you for being suspicious. You mages in the Circle are taught to be cautious and question the truth behind what seems to be the truth. I admit, I have no proof to reassure you I am no demon."

_What would the First Enchanter think if I told him about this 'spirit?' I want to believe it._

"I have a task I need to get done, otherwise the Knight-Commander and First Enchanter might get worried," Alfidaiya said. She wanted to ask the spirit more questions, but she was afraid of what would happen to her body if she were to linger here much longer. Would Irving and Greagoir assume she would not be returning back alive or not possessed? She took out the unfinished amulet from a pocket inside her robes and placed it on the pedestal.

_Now what do I do? I've brought the amulet to the pedestal. There has be some spell I need to cast on it, or some method. I can't think of any reason why I'd need to be in the fade to enchant something._

"I see. So that is _why_ you are in the Fade," the spirit rubbed its chin, apparently thinking about Alfidaiya's circumstances for being there. "Would you mind telling me what that pendant is for and what you plan on doing with it? I believe I can help you with that."

"Well, other than enchanting it, I don't know what I was going to do with it once I finish making it," Alfidaiya said. "I was considering giving it to someone who is...I guess in a sense, _special_ but, it's too soon to tell."

"You mortals are really complex and difficult to comprehend all of the time," the spirit said, sounding a bit exasperated. "I may not have ever been in the land of the living, but from being around demons so long and from my experiences interacting with the occasional mortals-both the dreamers and aware, it is not that difficult to distinguish the truth behind your alleged denial from your unsaid words of _whom_ you desire."

_Well...I guess I should've figured that I wouldn't fool a spirit, even though I can fool myself._

"Place one hand over your chest and the other hand above the object on the pedestral," the spirit said. "One more thing before we begin, what specific enchantment were you intending to apply to this object; I'm assuming it is one you cannot do outside of the Fade, am I correct?"

_It's funny that as much as I deny and wish my denial of having a crush on him is true, I already know what enchantments I want on the amulet; I wouldn't have entered the Fade for those enchantments for just anyone either._

"Yes. The enchantment that I need to do in the Fade requires me to infuse a sliver of my spirit and life essence into the core part of the amulet The other enchantment, I don't know what it requires, but it only allows the person that I hope will accept this amulet, to wear it and no one else."

The spirit nodded. "Let us proceed then. Focus one-third of your mana to your hand that is on your chest. Once you have done that, concentrate on your inner focus as best as you can until I instruct you next. Do not be alarmed when you feel a searing pain from your chest. While using my own power, I will be extracting the required essences from within your spirit. Try to remain conscious as best as you can, otherwise you will leave the Fade."

_I pray to the Maker that I have not misplaced my 'trust.'_

It had been about fifteen minutes and Alfidaiya was still in the Fade. The First Enchanter did not appear to be worried at all; Greagoir on the other hand, looked slightly uneasy, but nevertheless, he remained patient and kept his cool. Cullen, however, was barely able to hold onto his composure, so he silently began reciting verse 1:14 from Chant of Light's Canticles of Trials:

_Though all before me is shadow,  
Yet shall the Maker be my guide.  
I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond.  
For there is no darkness in the Maker's Light  
And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.__**[1]**_

"Oh, Maker," Irving muttered. "Greagoir, did you notice that too?"

"I'm afraid so, Irving," Greagoir responded grimly.

Cullen twitched, startled at the sound of their voices since no one had spoken for the entire time Alfidaiya has been in the Fade.

"Is something wrong, Knight-Commander," Cullen asked.

"I don't know. Irving and I both noticed her wince a little in pain, but that's about it," Greagoir replied. "I suspect that she was being attacked by a demon."

As soon as the word demon left Greagoir's mouth, Cullen could feel nothing but what seemed to be never-ending dread. "Knight-Commander, we have to get her out of there," Cullen implored. "I don't know why you even allowed her to go in there. She doesn't have enough physical strength or willpower to resist the demons for long. I think getting her out now would..."

"Cullen," Irving said sternly. "Both Greagoir and I wouldn't have agreed to allow her to enter it this soon in her life, if we had any doubts of her capability of defending against demons. Trust me, she is a lot stronger than she may look, lad."

Cullen looked back at Alfidaiya and prayed she'd be returning back safely and soon.

_I don't care what Greagoir or Irving says; she is too fragile to be subjected to demons this soon. If only I could be in there with her, I would cut down every last demon if I have to, as long as it keeps her safe._

Ten more minutes had passed, and she still had not returned. Cullen's heart began to feel sick with trepidation and the worst possible fates for her kept crossing his mind.

_I cannot bear the thought of the possibility of having to strike her down, if she returns possessed... But, it is my duty-to the Templar Order and to the Maker, to ensure such horrors are put down, and I-_

"Irving, is she return-" Greagoir began to ask, but was cut off by Alfidaiya's abrupt groans in pain. Greagoir unsheathed his sword but remained in place; Cullen noticed that Greagoir was murmuring prayers under his breath, even though he held his sword steadily, ready to strike if needed.

Cullen followed suit, but with great reluctance; he knew there'd be questions asked later, if he wasn't prepared to strike down an abomination.

"Greagoir...Cullen, don't act unless you can see any transformation taking place," Irving said urgently. "She told me that these two enchantments she is using, require her to be in the Fade, which means this is no ordinary visit to the Fade. The enchantments themselves are extraordinary difficult and does impose a high risk on her physical body..."

Irving did not ever get a chance to finish what he was saying, because Alfidaiya's groans accumulated to shrill screams of pain. She still was somehow was able to maintain her connection to the Fade, but just barely.

It seemed like she was screaming for an hour, but it truly only lasted for a few more minutes, until she collapsed onto the floor with her sides heaving heavily from the difficulty she appeared to be having breathing. Cullen rushed to her side and lifted her head up from the stone floor so she could rest it on his lap.

"Oh, thank the Maker, you're all right," Greagoir exclaimed.

"Thank you everyone for allowing me to..." Alfidaiya began, but stopped when Cullen pressed a finger against her lips. Soon after, Cullen felt her body go limp in his arms and her breathing became more even. He could now finally relax; she was home safe.

"Well, Irving, I'm going to head off for the night. Let me know how she is faring in the morning. Good-night."

"Good-night, Greagoir," Irving replied. "Well, Cullen, that was certainly intense, but as I had expected, everything turned out okay. If you don't mind, could you carry her back to the Apprentice Quarters? I think I'm going to head off for the night too. Good-night."

Once he had set her on her bed, he covered her with a blanket and made sure that only her face remained uncovered. Although he knew he shouldn't, after hearing her cry out in her sleep a few times for her parents and telling the demons in her dream to go away, he knelt down and pressed his lips against her forehead just like a parent would after tucking in their child to go to sleep. It wasn't like he knew how it felt to be tucked in and kissed good-night by a parent; he had never known his parents and grew up most of his life alone with other orphans in the chantry. From what he had heard, she was brought to the Circle when she was only five-years-old, and had been here since then. Kissing her good-night just seemed to be the proper gesture for him to do.

Moving closer to her face, so only she could 'hear' and no one else, he whispered softly, "I love you." He brushed a loose piece of hair away from her eyes, and watched her continue to toss and turn in her sleep.

_Thank you, Maker for keeping her safe. Forevermore am I your humble servant... I leave it to your judgment on the day I past from this world, of whether I shall be damned or forgiven for setting my eyes and heart on a mage._

* * *

[1] David Gaider, _Dragon Age: The Calling_. (New York: Tom Doherty Associates, LLC, 2009), 261.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Six

_27 Kingsway, 9:27 Dragon_

With a single tap of the rod of fire on the amulet, a minuscule flame burst out from the tip of the rod; she then guided the flame along the guidelines she had scratched into the silverite layer of the amulet, which was in the shape of the templar crest. Subsequently, she casted Winter's Grasp on it to cool the amulet off faster.

"Thank you Owain for helping me," Alfidaiya said to the Tranquil mage who was beginning to put away the supplies she was using. "Here's the rod of fire back. I believe there is nothing more I need to add to the amulet."

"It was a pleasure," Owain replied as he took the rod of fire from her. "I believe one of your friends is here to see you. Don't worry about cleaning it up. I will take care of it for you."

Alfidaiya smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks again, Owain." She exited the workshop room, carrying the amulet carefully by the neckpiece and nearly bumped into Jowan.

"Back to your usual schedule, I see," Jowan remarked. "Honestly, I don't know how or _why_ you enjoy this life."

She didn't respond; she did let out a groan, indicating that she was listening, but that she'd rather not hear what he had to say. _Oh, boy. I already know what this is all about-the templars, the Circle, and how he thinks they have no right to keep the mages on a leash, locked up in the tower._

Fortunately, he let the subject drop at that point, and instead asked her about her project. "Hey, what is that you have there? Can I see it?"

"Oh, it's an amulet I've been working on for about a month now. I just finished it a few minutes ago," she explained; she held up the amulet for him to see, and then stuck it in her robes.

The second he saw the templar crest, Jowan frowned. "So, what are you planning on doing with _that_?"

"I don't know," she replied. It wasn't a complete lie.

"Do you mind telling me why you chose to have a templar symbol engraved into it?"

"Actually, with the attitude you are carrying right now, yes, I do mind."

_I wonder what Jowan wants this time. He never goes straight to the point, and by the time he tells me, I'm in no mood to hear what he has to say._

"Some friend you are," Jowan grumbled.

Something inside of Alfidaiya just snapped; before she knew it, she felt her blood rise to her cheeks from a combination of anger and frustration. Her chest began to hurt from having a piece of her soul literally ripped out of her; even though it has been more than a week since it happened, she could still physically feel the effects of having the sliver of her spirit "removed."

"Just because I'm your friend, it doesn't mean I have to tell you everything when you demand it from me. I would tell you...if it wasn't for that attitude you always put up whenever you don't get an immediate answer or something you want," she said, curling her lip.

"Alfidaiya, listen, please," Jowan begged.

"You seriously need to mature a little, Jowan." Without waiting for his response, she stomped off into the next corridor, hoping he wouldn't follow her. The last half of this month was just not going very well in her eyes. Ever since she returned from the Fade, she had been having nightmares and remembering unpleasant events in her life that she had never thought she'd remember. Then, there was the pain in her chest that made any activity difficult to partake in comfortably.

"Alfidaiya," a voice nearby addressed her.

"Jowan, do I need to tell you to f-" She spun around in the direction of the voice about to yell at whom she thought was Jowan. Seeing Cullen and no sign of Jowan, she just let out a laugh, extremely flustered and embarrassed.

"I'm terribly sorry, Knight-Captain," she said. "You startled me and I thought you were my friend, Jowan."

"I noticed that much," Cullen replied. "I heard you all the way down the corridor. I guess I shouldn't bother asking how your day has been?"

"Nah. It's alright. It's not so much of my day, but this half of the _month_." Still a bit embarrassed and feeling even more miserable, she stared at the floor rather than meeting Cullen's gaze.

"I see." He let five minutes of awkward silence before he spoke up again. "Um, I don't know really how to suggest this..."

"Hmm?"

"Would you care to go on a walk to somewhere else? Maybe that will take your mind off of things?"

Alfidaiya's eyes widened in shock. _Is he asking me to... Hey, wait a minute. That isn't fair..._

"Is this the part where I go run and hide," she frowned at Cullen, trying very hard not to smile and laugh.

"I..uh," Cullen stammered as his face turned red. He then noticed Alfidaiya smiling shyly at him. "Was that a joke?"

"Yes. Now, about that walk you mentioned..." This time, Alfidaiya was able to look straight at him in the eyes. There was a different type of warmth in his eyes that she hadn't noticed in interactions with him in the past. She couldn't quite put her finger on how to define the type of warmth that she was saw.

Cullen stood in front of a door and fumbled with the key in his hand to unlock it. He felt rather foolish in front of her, struggling to stick the key in the socket; but somehow he managed get the key in the keyhole and unlock the door. When they both entered the room, he lit a candle and then he shut and locked the door back up.

"Before you ask, I only brought you to my room so we wouldn't be seen together as much as we already have been, by both the mages and the templars," Cullen commented as he took off his plate gauntlets. He sat down on the bed next to Alfidaiya and watched her carefully with concern. He had noticed that as soon as they stepped inside the room, her body stiffened once she had realized where they were.

Though her body relaxed at his reassurance that they were only in his bedroom to talk, she was alarmed at his words.

"Wait, are you telling me people-and not just the Knight-Commander, the First Enchanter, and my friends-that they've _seen _us together?" she stammered.

"That is what I suspect."

"I'm sorry," Alfidaiya looked guiltily down at her hands. "I shouldn't have let my friends convince me to talk to you because they were curious about some stupid rumor."

Cullen raised an eyebrow at her. "There was a rumor about me?"

"Yes-two years ago it started. Everyone has been saying that you're in love with me."

_Oh, Maker. So, I _**_wasn't_**_ that discreet about my feelings. This is going to bite me in the ass real soon, no doubt about it._

"If you do get in trouble, you can tell Greagoir that I was the one that led you on."

Cullen took both of her hands into his; her hands felt like they were just recently stuck in cold water. He brought both of her hands to his face and kissed them both and then tried warming them up by rubbing his hands together with hers.

Again, Alfidaiya's eyes widened. _"_Cullen?" The touch of his warm lips against her hands sent a shudder down her body, but this time not of fear.

"Don't blame yourself. It's my own fault for not being discreet enough about my feelings."

"Your feelings?" To this question, Cullen only responded with an tender look at her and an affectionate smile.

Without further ado, she withdrew her hands from his and pulled his face towards hers. Instead of pressing her face closer to his, she hesitated for a moment. When he saw her hesitation, Cullen took over from there; he pulled her into his arms and pressed his lips gently against hers.

"I love you," he murmured to her. He caressed her face lovingly with his left hand as he stared into her dark brown eyes that were quickly filling with tears.

"Do you really," she stammered, trying to fight her tears. "Even though I'm elf and a mage?"

Cullen felt a knot tugging hard on his heart, but he ignored it. "Yes. I love you regardless of all of those things."

Alfidaiya gave him a tearful, yet happy smile. "Thank you, Cullen. I love you too." She moved her face close to Cullen's face again and kissed his mouth.

She tried to move her face away from his so she could look at him and run her hand across his light and small beard, but Cullen stopped her by pressing his mouth onto hers and forcing his tongue into her mouth; the moist surface of her tongue against his drove him further on.

"I love you so much," she whispered in his ear, before pulling his face back towards hers to kiss him. She wasn't afraid this time to let her tongue wander into his mouth.

As hard as he tried to suppress it, he could not hold himself back from moaning as they continued to kiss passionately with their tongues pressing against one another. The kissing alone was stimulating a pleasure and a wild desire inside him that he never knew was possible to have.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Seven

_9:28 Dragon_

It was the second week of Guardian and the Circle Tower was extremely cold in this time of the year. The wind was so heavy that Alfidaiya could hear it banging against the tower's windows. It was really distracting because she was trying to finish an argumentative paper about making efforts to reintroduce animals that were once abundant in Ferelden, and now were nearly extinct.

"_Cats were once as common as the dog is today in Ferelden. Arguments that are made in favor of dogs are that they can protect their farms, homes, hunt for game, and most importantly of all, detect the presence of werewolves even if they are in human form,"_ Alfidaiya read aloud from a particularly helpful book the First Enchanter had lent her from his personal library.

Cristina was working on an argumentative paper as well, but chose a different topic, which was that demons _can_ possess the Tranquil and templars. Unfortunately, she wasn't having any luck finding any solid evidence supporting her thesis.

Cristina dropped her quill on the table and slams the book sharp (earning her dirty looks from Alfidaiya and the present Tranquil). "_(Sighs)_ How is it that you always pick rather silly topics for papers, and find an abundant amount of evidence, while I pick more serious topics that ought to be questioned and researched on more, but have no evidence on whatsoever?"

"I know what people in our generation are interesting in reading about," Alfidaiya responded half-jokingly. "Well, that and I'm actually interested in that matter myself. I am interested in your topic, but there is no reason for me to research it when one, we are forbidden to leave the tower to do outside research, two, we need to be Harrowed and quite experienced mages when it comes to dealing with abominations and..."

"I know. I guess I'll put it aside and ask our mentor if I can pick a different topic for the paper," Cristina grumbled. "But, putting the topic of class and papers aside, Let's talk about this new development of yours."

"Must you be so indiscreet," Alfidaiya hissed. "Not just because of the templars and other mages, but because of Jowan. Oh, by the way, let me know if you see him approaching..._before_ he sees me that is."

"Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it. All I can say is, I'm surprised Anders and him aren't best of friends. They both have so much in common: they both hate the templars, they both hate being locked up in the Circle, they both are annoying..."

"Al... You're not being very mature."

"So are you telling me he's the only one that can complain and I can't?"

Cristina shook her head. "Okay. I'll give you a heads up if I see him," she whispered. "So, did you ever give the templar that you're in a relationship with the amulet?"

"Erm... " _Shit. I originally wanted to wait until it had been a few months into our relationship... _Alfidaiya smacked herself lightly in the head with her palm.

"So, you're telling me you _still _haven't given him the amulet that you enchanted in the Fade," Cristina rolled her eyes. "You better go do that now, since Jowan looks like he's heading this way."

* * *

It wasn't Cullen's first time in the Knight-Commander's office, but he doesn't recall _ever_ being in his office for breaking any chantry rules. When he first had arrived at the tower, from time-to-time, Knight-Commander Greagoir would call him to his office just to see how he was adjusting to the tower, and to discuss his well-being, just like a father would; so, Greagoir was the last person that Cullen would want to disappoint.

This time, even though he was sitting in front of the same desk he had in the past, even without an occupant behind the massive desk, he felt that either the desk grew more imposing over the years or that perhaps he became smaller. In any case, there was a certain vibe to the room that told him that he wasn't in here for some great achievement such as successfully bringing back an apostate or for killing the most abominations-if you could even label those as achievements, or even a father-and-son kind of conversation.

As soon as Greagoir stepped into the office and closed the door, Cullen just _knew_ this was something serious that Greagoir called him in for.

"Knight-Commander," Cullen stood up at attention to greet Greagoir..

"Sit down, Cullen," Greagoir said wearily as he sat down at his desk. Without looking at Cullen, Greagoir set down a folder of reports on his desk and silently read over the first report before finally looking at Cullen.

"Of all of the templars, I couldn't believe _you_ would forget what your duty is as a templar," Greagoir said sternly.

"Knight-Commander, Ser, I didn't for-"

Greagoir raised his hand up. "I understand it is part of human nature to become attracted to someone, and you are certainly not the first templar to succumb to it nor will be the last. But, you do realize that she is a _mage_ and you are a_templar_? It goes against everything being a templar is all about. If the Chantry hears of this and then the citizens of Ferelden, how do you think Fereldans will feel about the Chantry watching over the mages, if the templars can't keep their eyes _and_ hands to themselves?"

"Knight-Commander, I was ready five months ago and I still am ready and willing to strike her down if she were to become an abomination," Cullen stood up and said through gritted teeth. He had hoped that would convince the Knight-Commander that he was serious about his duty, but it only made the Knight-Commander scowl even more.

"I'm disappointed in you Cullen. Even though I do not approve of relationships between templars and mages, I also do not approve of that statement you just made now. Even though you well knew the dangers of being a mage and the constant threat of them being possessed, you went on and seduced _her_ anyways, and now you're saying that you'll be willing to dispose of her-like it's _nothing_, if she turned into an abomination."

This time, it was Cullen's turn to be angered. He stood up from his chair, despite the warning look that Greagoir gave him, and protested against the last statement Greagoir had made.

"I did _not_ seduce her. You're making it sound like I raped her," Cullen grumbled. "We haven't even had sex yet." _Dammit. Real smooth, Knight-Captain._

"..." Greagoir did not quite know how to respond to that answer. "_(Sighs)_ Cullen, you're missing my point. Although my greatest concern is for the safety of all of Ferelden, I am concerned for the templars-not to mention their reputation, and the mages.

"I also worry about you. After all, you are my most valuable templar with the highest credentials;" Greagoir said as his expression softened a bit. "You are like a son to me."

Cullen sat back down in the chair, contemplating what he had just heard. _Wait, did he just say that he was like a son to him? I sometimes wish it was true, not having known my own father or mother..._

"Nonetheless, returning to why you're in here... You are putting too many lives at stake for the sake of your own. I have no doubt in mind that you _will_ hesitate if _she_ does indeed become an abomination, and a single hesitation can cause tragedy. Do you want that?"

"Of course not, Knight-Commander, Ser."

"I will not report this to the Chantry, nor am I going to demote you," Greagoir said as he pushed back the chair and stood up. He then picked up the file with the reports in it, walked over to the fireplace that was in his office, and tossed it in the flames.

"_However_, it is my duty to see to that you receive some form of punishment," Greagoir continued. "I'll be assigning you for the rest of the month to watch Anders in the dungeon, in the morning and afternoon. You are dismissed, Knight-Captain."

Cullen walked out of Greagoir's office not in as a horrible mood as he was beginning to think he was going to be in by the time Greagoir was done talking with him. _Well, that doesn't sound too bad... Anders... hmm... I think I remember Alfidaiya mentioning him to me. Speaking of Alfidaiya... I wonder if she's done writing her paper, yet._


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Eight

_9:28 Dragon_

Alfidaiya had warned Cullen about Anders and how annoying he was, but she didn't emphasize to him exactly _how_ annoying he was

"Have fun watching the apostate, Knight-Captain," the templar posted in the dungeon said grimly. "This one is a handful, that's for sure. By the end of your shift, you'll be begging for mercy from Andraste."

_Is he really that bad?_ Cullen wondered what type of mage this Anders fellow was. Was he a blood mage? He could certainly understand what would be mortifying about guarding a blood mage apostate would be. If not a blood mage, what else could make this particular apostate so bad?

"A new templar to watch me? I'm very _flattered_," the apostate's voice echoed from his cell. The mage had brown hair that was tied in a ponytail and wore an extremely skeptical expression on his face.

"Hello. Here's your breakfast," Cullen said, pushing a plate though the bars. "Your name is Anders, am I correct?"

"Oh, you're a _genius_. How long did that take you to figure that out?" Anders abruptly took the plate, glowering at Cullen.

_What did I do?_

"You're the first templar to ask me what my name is. My guess is...either you aren't very smart for not having heard of me, the 'infamous apostate, Anders,' or you're not like the _other _templars. Either way, what's it to you?"

Cullen opened his mouth to say something, but Anders just dismissed the thought with his hand.

"Oh, never mind. What is your name? I don't recall ever bumping into you during one of my escapades."

"I'm Knight-Captain Cullen," he replied. The minute he replied to Anders, a wide smirk spread across the apostate's face.

"_Ooh. _You're **that **guy," Anders slapped one of his legs with his hand out of amusement. "So, you're the one that everyone's been talking about... And when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_-mages and templars alike."

Cullen started to not like where the conversation was going. "What are you talking about?"

That only made Anders snicker even more. "Oh, you know_._ I've heard about a _certain_ Knight-Captain rumored to have been seen having little trysts at night, and...copulating with a particular female elf mage in the corridor at night."

_Oh, I am __**so**__ going to shove my fist into his mouth when I get the chance._

Anders gave a devilish grin at the horrified look on Cullen's face. "And you call yourself a templar; apparently you have no shame, not that That bothers me. What bothers me is that _she_ has the nerve to go sleep with a _templar_ of all things."

_Maybe shoving my fist won't be enough to shut him up. Maybe a sword through his..._

"So, tell me, Knight-Captain, where _do_ you learn about it? Do they have any books on it in the Chantry?"

_Don't reply to him, Cullen. Replying to him will only encourage and entertain him further._

"Oh, yeah, all of those books including my favorite, 'The Art of Passionate Love,' by Brother Capria, are _banned _by the Chantry, which is quite a shame. Too bad you don't have lady templars, otherwise you would at least be able to practice."

"We **didn't** do anything other than kiss," Cullen snapped. "But what's it to you, anyways?"

The smirk on Anders' face only widened. "Oh, you know... I was just testing you to see how much of the rumor was true."

He stood up from the bench he had been sitting on in the cell and walked towards the cell door. He rubbed his chin deep in thought, scrutinizing Cullen silently for a good five minutes.

"Hmm... I seriously don't see what _she_ sees in you. First of all, you haven't had sex with her. When you do have sex with her, you'll most likely be terrible at it. Performance at sex is one of the most important things to be concerned with in a relationship."

_Don't do anything rash. _Cullen took a deep breath as his hand moved closer to the hilt of his sword with each comment Anders had made.

"Secondly, from what I've heard, you're one of those type of guys that takes their duty waaay too seriously, and you'd even slay _her_ if you were ordered to."

That was the last straw. Cullen unsheathed his sword and pressed the tip to it right against Anders' throat. "Not another word about _**that**_, otherwise I'll ensure that you don't make it to the Maker's side. Oh, and one more thing, if it bothers you that much, why didn't you pursue her in the first place? It sounds to me that you're _jealous_."

"Pfft... I'm not jealous, and please, will you put that thing away? You're going to hurt someone with that, you know, as in _me_."

"Hmph," was Cullen's only response. His eyes flashed dangerously at Anders.

"Okay, do what you want. It's true all I want is a pretty girl and smell the fresh air of freedom, but me, being jealous of templar? Puh-leeze."

Cullen only grunted in response and just prayed that the day would improve as the time went by.


	10. Chapter 10

Epilogue

_9:35 Dragon_

Leliana was wrong; she was _completely_ **wrong**. Cullen did not feel like he gained anything from reading the first journal. In fact, he didn't even know what he hoped to find. He did find out how Alfidaiya possibly had gained her shapeshifting abilities, but there was no conclusive evidence for him or her to believe it. He did learn what she did in the Fade and how she made the amulet for him, but that was just trivial information that did not give him any direct new knowledge that he would benefit from. It was rather sickening to his heart what she did in the Fade just for someone she barely knew and was only just starting to develop feelings towards.

Cullen stared blankly at the journal he had just finished reading; it was definitely a lot shorter than he had thought it'd be. _I don't know if Leliana had read any of the journals. She probably did if she knew there was to be something gained from reading another person's private writings, right? Leliana didn't know __**her**__ as long as I did, but since she appeared to have obtained something from reading or at least knowing her for the short time she knew her, then what __**was**__ it she found that she hoped I would find as well? _

If anything, Cullen felt like he had lost something rather than gaining something from reading into the thoughts of his former beloved. He wanted to hate her for being born as a mage, for trying to become friends with him. He wanted to hate her for falling in love with him and especially for leaving the tower. Cullen just wanted to hate her for everything, but instead of hate, he now felt overwhelmed by sadness and loneliness he never knew existed and the extent of it he was feeling now. For five years, he felt overshadowed by the painful word that he had said to her when she had last returned to the tower, and for the fact that he had ended their relationship.

Now, he had no one. No lover, no father or mother; and the father-figure he had, he might be dead for all he knew, since Greagoir's health seemed to be failing him shortly after Irving and the other surviving mages were moved from the tower. The only thing that he felt remained intact, was his reputation as a templar and rank as a Knight-Captain. Life had never felt as cruel and lonely as it felt at this moment.

The memories he had retained over the years and Alfidaiya's memories together, silently and indirectly told him that this was what being a templar meant. Was the cost of retaining his rank worth what he had lost? With the likeliness of an templar and mage war breaking out, would he be ready to make even greater sacrifices?

Perhaps what Leliana had wanted him to find were those very questions. The only way he could find out further what piece he was missing to understanding what he could gain from examining Alfidaiya's memories, would be by examining the new life she had to pave for herself and Ferelden as a Grey Warden. Cullen recognized that when she had left the tower for the first time, that moment had marked the beginning of her destiny.


End file.
